You are officially a college student. You have planned for this day for quite some time. Attached to your grandiose plan of complete college domination are expectations of how it should be. Unfortunately, you haven’t even made it midterm of your first semester, and you’re in the fetal position having an anxiety attack asking mom if you can come back home. Your bags are almost completely packed. Whether you are the concerned parent advising your child that “everything will be fine, honey” or the student having the emotional breakdown, here are a few words of wisdom:
1) Give it two semesters
Finish your freshman year before making any desperate decisions. Some students get into the swing of things by midterm. Some make it until the end of the semester. Some students need a second semester to sort out the chaos of their college experience. Most students who drop out of college before the end of their first semester or sooner never honestly gave college a try. They were never able to accurately access their situation, because they were so lost in their personal emotional turmoil. Decisions should be based in logic, not emotional outbursts. Halfway through your second semester if you still have doubts, talk to college officials and close family and friends. Respect their honesty and consider it. Many former students have expressed regret later in life when they are unable to return due to life circumstances. Also consider that how you exit college can affect a possible return to school later on, especially if you fail courses or ruin your chances at receiving financial aid again. Give it time, let the emotion wear off, and weigh your decisions carefully.
2) Don’t fight the system
I constantly tell students that college is not high school. It’s amazing how many come into college with the expectation that it is an extended version of high school with alcohol, complete freedom, and an all-you-can-eat-buffet. If they were given topics by their teacher in high school for an English paper, they expect the college instructor to continue the tradition provide the topic for them (my favorite line is “I can’t come up with anything. Why don’t you choose it for me.”). They resist classroom policies, deadlines, attendance, and the guidelines set forth in the syllabus. Not only will we not accommodate your requests or argue the fairness of the system with you, but we will stand behind the policies. We know what works. We have your interests at heart. We are helping you to transition into the college environment. Students who fight the system lose. Students who embrace the system (or at the very least accept it) perform better, enjoy college more, and gain more from their degree program.
3) Going home doesn’t always cure home sickness
Parents may not like my next suggestion, but I am asking you to exercise some necessary tough love. If your child is in agony about staying at college, you may want to delay the inevitable holiday homecoming. I know you miss her and want to see her, but it may be better to encourage her to take that student organization’s ski trip to Aspen she mention over the phone last week. If you are the agonizing student, I encourage you to join the ski trip. I speak from experience. I had a family member who went home during Fall break just six weeks into the semester despite advising her and the family otherwise. After she posted her fun time back home on Facebook, she proceeded to make arrangements to return home. She withdrew three weeks later. Homecoming should be a time of being with the family not being rescued by the family.
4) Join organizations
Research indicates that students who integrate themselves into the life of the college are more likely to graduate. Through my observation, young women seem to be more susceptible to leaving college due to a lack of social structure than young men. Young men leave for entirely different reasons. I’ve also noticed that students who are involved have much better grades on average. Of course, my observation is unscientific. Take advantage of Greek, professional, honor, and religious organizations. I also offer this word of caution. Only choose one or two organizations. Students who are too involved often perform poorly in their classes, because they don’t have the time to dedicate to their classes.
5) Seek counseling
Most colleges have free counseling services that are paid through student fees. The counselors are equipped to handle stress, depression, loneliness, and a host of other issues. Sometimes, they will offer workshops on time management and goal setting. If your problem is academic, there are services that offer tutoring, advising, career advice, and other services as defined by the institution. A word to the student: if you are depressed to the extent you are skipping class, sleeping too much, sleeping around, eating too little or too much, abusing substances, inflicting harm to your body, or having suicidal thoughts, call counseling services immediately. All sessions are confidential, and I promise they won’t tell your parents.
6) Concentrate on what you do like
Not all things have to be doom and gloom. Surely, there is something you like about college. Is there a class you think is interesting? Do you like attending sporting events? Do you like the freebies and discounts that accompany the student ID? Have you made some really good friends? Think on these things. Oh, and by the way, there is no rule that states you must like everything about college. We have all had one of those professors or roommates.
7) Leave high school behind
Remember Jeff Foxworthy’s routine You Might Be a Redneck If? Well, here is my variation. You might be a dropout if you never update your networks on Facebook to include your college. You might be a dropout if you post last year’s prom pictures online well into your freshman year. You might be a dropout if you wear your high school senior year t-shirt anywhere other than the gym or a Habitat for Humanity project. I’m really not making light of the situation. There is no comedy involved in the decision to drop out of college. The point I am making is don’t hold on to the past. The class clown in high school isn’t as funny in college (and often is asked to leave the class for being a disruption). The beauty queen is no longer the prettiest girl in school. The star athlete spends the first year on the bench. The kid who never studied in high school honors course and had a 4.0 GPA is failing all of his classes. The opposite is true as well. The outcast finds a whole new circle of friends. The underachiever excels in the college environment. The wallflower is the lead in an on-campus production. Leaving the past behind and adapting to the future is a trait of adulthood. Instead of holding on to past labels, take the time to reinvent yourself. College is great place to reinvent yourself! It has plenty of resources, interests, and most importantly, new people who don’t know who you used to be.
8) Remind yourself that you are in good company
Brace yourself for this one. I would venture to estimate (unscientifically, of course) that 90% of freshman hate college too. How do I know this? My students tell me so. No one is fully prepared for college, and you can’t expect yourself to have everything worked out immediately. You may never have it fully worked out. After two degrees and teaching college courses, I don’t have it fully worked out yet.
My advice to seniors contemplating college: be prepared that your first semester in college may suck for you (in those words exactly). It’s okay. It’s happens to most of us. But if you forget this nugget of truth, cling to the other eight I have given you. College is only four years of your life (theoretically). If you like it enough, it may be longer as you pursue other degrees. You have survived 13 years of education thus far. Four years is miniscule in the grand scheme of things. And unlike high school, we have an all-you-can-eat-buffet!
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment